written on a napkin in a cafe.

i hate:

how every day feels the same.
how redundancy leads me into every morning.
how i am holding hands with fear every night.
how futility is married to every thought.
the panicked feelings i'm well acquainted with.
the lack of motivation i have, in looking for motivation in any form.
how invisible i can feel.
when only the little things in life can bring smiles.
when i have low expectations.
nostalgia.
waking up to reality.
when the butterflies leave.
self-pity.
how. . . trapped i can feel.
that i can make a list, at all.